If you follow us on Facebook, you’ll know that on October twenty-ninth Remmer had a freak accident. He severed his superficial flexor tendon and about eighty percent of his deep digital flexor tendon. In less than a moment our future together changed because of the severity of the injury. Remmer may not regain full athletic function of his left hind leg.
A friend commented to me tonight that I seem to be handling this pretty tragic event really well, and as we conversed I thought it might be a good thing to blog about. He asked me if this was natural for me or if it was learned behavior, and it is absolutely learned behavior. Being able to control how and what I think about is something I’ve worked very hard on for the last twenty-eight years.
When it happened, I was really left brain. I’m pretty good in a crisis. I wanted to make sure that Amy was all right – she was riding him at the time, but she didn’t come off. Dr. Zamora was on his way and while we waited we used the red light to stop the bleeding and reduce pain. After assessing the wound, he recommended we get Remmer straight to the veterinary hospital, and happily it is very close to us here in Ocala. All this happened within an hour of getting hurt, it was perfect flow.
It was amazing to watch Remmer. There he was, hind leg in the air, foot flopping, and all he wanted to do was eat grass. I’m sure it was painful, but he wasn’t emotional or fretting. It was inconvenient that he couldn’t bare weight on it, but he could still get to the grass around him!
Dr. Adams told me the facts about the injury and that as it healed the scar tissue would be fibrous and not have the same flexibility as the tendons, and that it will most likely adhere the tendons together. Keeping out infection, changing the dressing daily and supporting his other leg would be primary to his healing, including intensive care with the painkillers and antibiotics administered regularly through the day. Dr. Adams and the hospital staff were wonderful, skilled and professional.
Rem stayed in the vet hospital for four and a half days. We went and visited him every day, and Amy and or Lyndsey were there to comfort him for the bandage-changing and to apply the “red light” and essential oils, not to mention giving him healing, loving energy. Jim Crew put a supportive shoe on him and that made an immediate improvement to his ability to walk and support himself with that leg, which is critical to not overloading his right hind during the healing process.
On the Monday evening, Pat and I flew to Italy and Portugal for the Verona Horse Fair appearance, and then to present at the 3rdInternational Dressage Forum in Lisbon. It was really hard to leave Remmer but seeing how well he was doing and knowing he was in great hands with Lyndsey and Amy made it possible. I really couldn’t do anything more or better than them and I knew Lyndsey would keep me updated daily.
The day after Remmer was injured is when it hit me. I found myself thinking about the consequences of the injury… how this was the end of our magnificent horsemanship journey together. And as the emotion began to rise, I immediately took control of my brain and firmly halted the mental stream of negativity expectation and almost overwhelming sadness. This was also the day of our Open House here in Ocala, and I was fine as long as no one came up and said something to console me about Remmer. There were several times I about choked holding back the tears, but somehow, I made it. I must have come across a bit distant though as I struggled to keep control of my brain. It’s not that I won’t allow myself to feel sad, of course I do. But I feelsad as opposed to thinking what has happened is sad. There’s a big difference between the two. I believe that life is perfect, and it is unfolding exactly as it should. I have learned through experience that you don’t see the perfection of what occurs until many years later, so I really try to live each day as though I’m looking back ten years out.
I carefully manage my brain and what I think about, and as a result I feel balanced and empowered because I know that wallowing in the misery of negative expectation is emotionally damaging and stressful. In this challenging time for Remmer I take it as my responsibility to bring nothing but positive energy to him, not just when I’m with him but when I think about him. I also asked via our Facebook page that positive and healing vibes be sent for Remmer and the support from his fans has been generous, warming and wonderful.
I also want to share that Remmer’s recovery is being powerfully facilitated by the lessons I have learned from my mentor in Sydney, Glynn Braddy (both philosophically and biochemically), from Donna and Bryan of Photonic Health (that red light is amazing), from Rebecca Precious and Young Living Essential Oils, from Jim Crew and his amazing knowledge of biomechanics. And my heartfelt thanks go to Lyndsey and Amy for the heart and soul they put into his care.
I don’t know what the future holds for Remmer and me, but I’m not going to limit or taint it with ignorant thoughts. We’ll take each day as it comes, do the best we possibly can with everything we’ve got, and be thankful for every moment of it. Things change, and, to me, welcoming change is fundamental to experiencing the gifts of life.